Employee stress has been at an all-time high recently and that may not change any time soon. I think that for most of us, it’s been a day by day process of coping with things as they come, with some days being easier or harder than others. The normal day in and day out has its’ own challenges, but the challenges we’ve experienced and have yet to in 2020 are of epic proportions and of course something we weren’t prepared for. How do you handle it when employees start to crash and burn?

As an HR professional, I’m no stranger to employee stress and the emotional expression of that at the office. For example, I’ll never forget the day that I had to help a manager let several people go. As we talked to them one by one, some were angry and some said ugly things. Some suspected it was coming but were obviously upset about it and then there was the one, the one who was in complete disbelief and shock. I will never forget this guy for as long as I live. He was literally in a breakdown, sobbing with tears and convulsively crying.  The most heart wrenching moment was when said that told me that he didn’t want to live anymore. My heart was broken for him and I was terrified that he might really kill himself. We kept him in my office and quickly got some assistance from an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) practitioner and she spent a lot of time with him until she felt reasonably sure that he was not going to do anything in the immediate future. He agreed to meet with someone and the EAP practitioner set that appointment up for him and continued to follow up to make sure that he was safe. Those are the kinds of days on the job when you wonder what you’re doing with your life to say the very least.

As stressful as it is to be fired, the emotional reaction makes sense because it’s evident what caused the stress. Getting fired is the trigger for the emotional reaction, but what do you do when an employee gets emotional at work and you don’t know why?

First of all, the emotional reaction can go either way. What might first come to mind might be  bursting into tears, yelling at their co-workers, being disruptive or disrespectful of others – things like that. But there are more subtle emotional changes to watch for as well. Employees who withdraw, who start coming in late, missing deadlines, forgetting to do things and even falling asleep at work need to be addressed. As a manager, it’s important to keep your radar up for changes in behavior and be ready to handle theses situations in a calm and supportive manner. Here are some do’s and don’ts:

Do’s:

If an employee has an emotional outburst such as bursting into tears, shouting at someone, verbally disrespectful or mean you need to lead them away from the common area they’re in, to an office where you can talk to them in private. 

Spend some time with them and let them vent. A lot of times, the act of getting things off someone’s chest can be really helpful – especially if this is a behavior that is totally out of character for the person. Every situation will be different and you will need to manage each situation accordingly but try to be patient and kind as they’re sorting through their emotions. Allowing time for this will help the situation cool down.

Take a moment to calm yourself. If any employee has an outburst, it’s may send you into adrenaline mode and a potential tailspin to, so if you need a moment to breathe beforehand take it.  One of you has to be the calm one.

After hearing from the employee, if there are manager activities that need to happen, deal with those. Depending on the circumstances you may have to issue a warning of some kind to the employee. If you’ve gotten the situation to a calm level, you can explain that it’s going to happen and why. They usually get it, even if they don’t like it or agree with it.

Follow up with the employee in the days and weeks to come. Check in on them just to see how they’re doing and how things are going for them. It can go a long way in helping them stay on the right track. They may be really embarrassed by their actions and struggling a bit with that, so taking five minutes in private once a week to make sure things are good can be really helpful in keeping that momentum.

Most important, if someone indicates that they might commit suicide, you must act. I had the luxury of EAP practitioners on the premises who were specially trained in this area, but that is not usually the case. Ask the individual if there is someone you can contact for them – spouse, partner, friend, etc., for support. If you have access to an EAP service, engage them immediately, but do not rely on that for the person’s safety. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or call  911 or your local Police Department for assistance in getting this person somewhere they can be safe. Don’t leave them unattended and don’t let them leave the premises without knowing that they will be under observation by someone. Call the Police immediately and report if the person leaves the premises prior to safety arrangements being made.

Don’ts:

Don’t try to fix them. People are complex creatures – what works for one may not work for another. You may think that you know how they feel, and you might, but that’s not what they need to hear. We all have different things going on a home, financially, health-wise that saying “I know how you feel,” generally does more harm than good.

Don’t suggest that they call the EAP right off the bat if that’s part of your benefits package. EAPs are tremendous tools but saying it within the first 5 minutes of your conversation is really saying to them “you’ve got issues and you need help.” If you wait until things calm down and you actually know more about the situation, you can suggest it as an option and it will go over a whole lot better. Sensitivity is key here. In the situation I had with an employee who threatened suicide, that is the one exception. In that type of situation, you take the wheel and don’t rely on them to do it. They’ve declared that suicide is a possibility and you have to take that seriously. Call the police and National Suicide Hotline for assistance. 

Don’t assume that quiet is equal to calm and tranquil. If you see atypically quiet, withdrawn behavior it can be a sign of something brewing. The squeaky wheel gets the grease but  eerie silence can predicate a massive outburst or incident. Know your people as much as you can so that you can see the difference when things don’t seem right. If you’re regularly checking in and having meaningful one on one meetings with your teams, you will be much more on top of this and can possibly throw water on a fire. I know managers are incredibly busy, but a 5-minute meeting can really make a difference.

As a manager don’t take this all on your shoulders. You can do everything right or “by the book” with folks and things can still go sideways. Do your best to be kind, patient and helpful but realize that you have a whole team of people who need you and you have to look out for all of them. 

Lastly, if you’re feeling overwhelmed yourself, ask for some support. You’ll be setting a great example by doing this as it is a true act of leadership to do so. 

J