Would you call yourself an introvert or an extrovert? I don’t consider myself a complete introvert, but I am definitely not an extrovert. I started using the term ambivert because I thought that described me best, but I’ve since seen the term omnivert and that’s more appropriate for me. Ambiverts have a personality that is in between extroversion and introversion. The omnivert’s personality can be either at different times. There are sub-types within these categories too, so you can really get into the weeds if the topic is of interest.

If you are like me and lean more toward the introverted side, networking can be challenging.

When I first started my business, I started going to networking groups to try and build my network in the hopes of building my business. To this day, when it’s my turn to stand up and introduce myself, my heart rate goes up and I find it hard to breathe. I wait in agony for my turn and then I somehow get through it, thinking the entire time that it’s obvious that I’m about to pass out. Funny thing is that no one seems to detect it… I’ve even had people that know me tell me how at ease I seem. I’ve got them all fooled – somehow. 

That nervousness and anxiety has not gone away in all the time I’ve been doing this. But – it does get a little easier over time. I still struggle with small talk at events and feel awkward, but again after going on a regular basis, I am getting to know some people and am more comfortable than I used to be.

I feel like if I can get more comfortable with this, anyone can so I thought I’d share some tips about how to manage through networking and work meetings if you’re on the quiet side. Both activities involve speaking up and putting yourself “out there.”

Networking Events:

In Person: This can be tricky from the get-go if you’re going to an event alone. If you have a wing-person with you – fantastic, but if not you’re going to have to walk in all by yourself. Remember this before walking through the door –you’re are not the only introverted person in the room, I guarantee it. Sometimes when you walk in, you will get swooped up by and extrovert that’s looking for new blood. If that happens, it’s fantastic! They will introduce you around and you can ask the people you meet questions about them. Warning – you’ll have to tell them about you too, so beforehand think of a fairly concise way to answer than question. It’s not really an elevator pitch, but something that rolls easy off of your tongue and gives them enough info so they understand what you do and can pass that information on. You should have business cards on you too to hand out, but if you give them a quick example of who you help in your business or about your job (service you provide, product you sell, what kind of customer you serve, where you work and what you do there, what you’re looking for, etc.) they will remember you. For example, if someone asked me what I do I’d say something like, “I’m a career coach and I help people, mostly women create professional and personal synergy.” One line that I have to get through and then there will be questions I can answer or things will just move on.

If you don’t have a wing-person to walk in with and don’t get swept up by and extravert, do this. Look around the room for a fellow more introverted soul. They will likely have already taken a seat somewhere and you’ll see them looking at their phone or watch. Fidgeting is what I do too. Anyway, find that person and say hello because they’re hoping that someone will. Tell them you’re new to the group and don’t know anyone yet. That should break the ice. If they aren’t receptive, their loss, move on the to someone else. Sometimes people have stuff going on in their lives, so just let it go and don’t make their less than receptive demeanor become ruin your day. It probably isn’t about you, so don’t make it about you. Set goals for yourself for the day, that you will introduce yourself to 1 person, for example. Next time try for 2, etc.

Networking via video is a bit different, but the principles and strategies can still work. There may be breakout sessions for smaller groups that might feel less intimidating than the virtual room with 50 attendees. Also, something that can be a nice breather for an introvert is the fact that you can easily leave a virtual meeting and come back in if you need a little break and are feeling overwhelmed. Just turn off the camera feature and turn it back on when you’re ready to go back in. 

Meetings:

Now, let’s talk about meetings. Meetings were not my strong suit in corporate life and here’s why for me. I’m a listener by nature. When other people are talking, I wait until they’re finished speaking before I speak. My mom taught me to do that. Also, if I don’t have anything to add or have a question, I stay quiet and am usually taking notes. This behavior, unfortunately, can get you labeled as “not engaged.” It’s not true, but when you’re in the room or on video with extroverts, they can mow you down verbally. They will talk right over you and I swear I don’t think they do it out of meanness or spite, that’s just what they do. I’m married to one. He’s just wired that way and doesn’t even really realize when he’s doing it. What can happen though, is if you’re introverted and you’ve been verbally mowed down a few times, you may end up just throwing in the towel on talking in meetings – period. That’s kind of where I ended up. If I could turn back the clock and stand my verbal ground I would and here’s why.

They needed to hear what I had to say! You’re hired for your expertise and you absolutely cannot let others verbally beat you into submission. You need to show your expertise and make sure that they hear it. Easier said than done, but if you throw in the towel completely, trust me they will take your lack of verbal participation as a sign that you’ve checked out, and in a sense they would be correct about that. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to pretend to be an extrovert and start talking louder and louder to get the floor, but you must do something. If you find it impossible to insert yourself in the meeting, you’d better make sure that you find some way to get your voice heard. Sometimes a physical signal can help – raise your hand, stand up and raise your hand – ask for the floor. If you just can’t do it, make sure that your wisdom gets to the decision-makers somehow and FAST! They don’t realize that you can’t get a word in edgewise and you don’t want them to point the finger at you later for not saying something aka, not doing your job.

Social Media Networking can be somewhat intimidating too for you if you lean toward the introverted side of things. LinkedIn is a great social media tool, especially if you’re looking for work or in finding out more about another career path. Yes, you are still putting yourself “out there” and taking the risk of a possible rejection, but you have the luxury of really thinking about what you want to say and taking your time with how you communicate. I’ve found that most people are receptive to short conversations and meeting for coffee, etc. unless you’re trying to sell them something. I’m sure you know from personal experience how old that really does get!  

I’m still a work in progress when it comes to networking and probably always will be. After about 30 minutes of networking or mingling at a cocktail party, I feel pretty drained but the rewards of getting out of my comfort zone are priceless.  I’ve met so many wonderful and smart people that I would have missed by hanging back in the shadows. You just have to keep going and keep trying. Believe me that even the most successful people, more than you think, started out where you and I are now. 

J